On July 22nd, 1996, Jason reached out with his left hand and grabbed a high voltage power line. His watch, which I still carry with me, stopped at 2:35 am. Three hours later, Jason's heart ... and his life AS WE KNEW IT ... stopped. At that very same moment, so did ours ...... Jason had set off to find "his" mountain, and we were facing ours head on.


Some say love it is the river
     that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love it is the razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love it is a hunger
an aching endless need.
I say love
it is a flower
and you, it's only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to Dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live.
When the night has been to lonely
and the road has been too long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember
in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed
that with the sun's love
in the spring
becomes the Rose
(written by Amanda MCBride)


Fragmented


"I'm sorry" ......
two words, so simple,
but when uttered by an emergency room doctor
in the gray of pre-dawn
they send a bolt of pain
through your heart
that tears, rips, and punctures
so brutally that
    no amount
      of time
        will ever make
          that heart the same
                again.
                  -- by Sandy




    I cannot remember much about the first few months after Jason's passing. I know that I existed in a make-believe world where death did not exist. Somewhere in the fog I began to grieve.


    Losing a child is not a loss that can be denied, ignored, or accepted. It is a travesty. We had been violated and we wanted only ... TO HAVE JASON BACK!




    Two things happened between July 22, 1996 and the present:


    I began grieving the physical loss of my son. I reached up out of the pit of despair, grabbed the hands of those who were waiting, and took the first step toward healing.


    I realized that I had been "spiritually apathetic" for my entire life. I had forgotten WHO I WAS, and consequently had no answer to "WHY AM I HERE?" My search for truth, meaning, spirit, AND MY SON, began.