while sitting at his grave
(GOD, I hate that word)
I looked into the candle flame
and had the answer
to the fucking
I understood.....
for one lucid moment!
This is the WHY!!
From this victimization,
THIS THEFT OF MY child....
I will know how to feel anothers pain,
cradle a heart,
and touch a soul.
I will discover that nothing is untouchable,
love is immortal,
and this existence is only a step on a stairway to light.


Last night,
in the glow of freshly fallen snow,
I felt for the first time in months..........
..... a sense of peace.
A feeling of wonder overcame me
and I looked around to see if you were there.
I thought to myself- "Why did I need to look?"
I know,
as surely as I know how to breathe,
that you are with me always.
You are closer to me now
than ever before
and the only difference
is that instead of opening my eyes to see you,
now I must open my heart.


Closing my eyes,
I search for you.
I breathe in the light of love,
and release the tensions of this physical existence.
I reach with my mind to the spirit land,
while you watch with an amused smile.
Groping thru the fog and clutter,
I feel for the physical warmth of you...
And "see" you laugh.
"Mom," you say, "you can't feel love with your hand.
You have to feel it with your heart."
Okay, I think. I can do that...
And once again I breathe....
in with love...out with the physical...
in with love...out with the physical.
"MOM!! Stop trying so hard. Just listen....."
My reply to him pounds in my head-
"I AM TRYING! I want so much to hear you.
I miss your laugh, your smile.
It has been so long....."
In with love...out with the physical....
In with love...out with the physical....
"Mom.....I'm here."
I feel his smile...
I hear him laugh...
"Who did you THINK you were talking to?"
Warmth fills my heart as an unanticipated smile touches my lips.
My mind sends the words-
"Well....I THOUGHT I was talking to a part of myself...."
and a soft whisper replies-
"and who more than your son is a part of you?"

in with love...

out with the physical...

in with love...

out with the physical...

More Poems

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