A Newsletter about the Journey from Loss to Love
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IN THIS ISSUE
=> From the Editor- Seasons and Grief
=> Poetry- Learning
=> News and Tidbits
=> Tips and Ideas
=> Feedback from Readers
=> Subscribe/Unsubscribe information
SEASONS AND GRIEF, Sandy Goodman
Fall is definitely upon us. The colors are absolutely beautiful, the air is fresh and crisp, and the leaves under foot make walking a fun activity for children and adults alike. In my part of the world, hunting is the number one priority on most people's minds and the familiar site of antlers and carcasses in the back of pickup trucks triggers memories I had forgotten for the past year.
The change of seasons is a difficult time for those of us with loved ones on the other side. Memories that have lain dormant for the rest of the year suddenly spring to life and knock us off our feet. Each caramel apple, pumpkin, whiff of woodsmoke, and orange vest has a picture attached to it. Jason with brown juice on his chin, Jason with a huge spoon scooping seeds out of a pumpkin, Jason lighting a fire in the stove, Jason packing for a weekend of hunting adventures. Jason, Jason, Jason. STILL so much a part of my every day life.
As I typed the last paragraph, I felt warm and close to my son who has passed. The memories feel warm and comfortable, not cold and distressing. But I am into my sixth year of grief. It has not always been this way.
In the time I have spent on this journey, I have come to know that Jason exists in another form, one that I cannot see, but he exists, nonetheless. When I accepted this truth, and welcomed it, I began to feel the memories with a smile rather than with sadness. I now know that Jason is able to pull up these same memories and live them all over again as many times as he wants. By remembering them with honor and joy, I invite him into my thoughts and into my heart. He always accepts that invitation.
If you are new to your loss, the change from summer to fall will most likely trigger memories that sadden you. Feel the sadness and then take a minute to look for the love that was present when that memory was an actuality. Reach for it. It is there, waiting patiently for your touch.
LEARNING, Sandy Goodman
The chill in the air
Reminds me of autumns past
When life was so much simpler
and so much smaller.
We worried over your homework
and hunting accidents
and heating bills
and you were oblivious to everything
but how much candy you might get.
I think that you were the wise one.
Your worry was about joy
while ours held only fear.
It is not only since your dying
that you have tried to teach me,
but is only since your dying,
that I've begun to listen.
RESOURCES (Books, Links, etc.)
---Pema Chodron's "The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times"
---John Edward's "CROSSING OVER"
You can order both at Amazon
Interested in mediumship and online readings? Check out Spiritspace and Ocallah
Need grief support? Go to Griefnet
NEWS AND TIDBITS
My book, "Love Never Dies: A Mother's Journey from Loss to Love", is in the final stages of editing. The back cover is nearly done and we've received some excellent endorsements! Jodere has added my information to their website and the book is already listed on Amazon . It can be pre-ordered there (at a discount even), and I will have a link on my website soon for pre-ordering autographed copies. The release date is March, 2002.
I was in a chat room last week where mediumship readings were taking place. The medium had a young man "online" and he gave the name of Jason. After a few validating comments, I claimed the reading as mine. Jason then told us that someone with a white vehicle needed to check their tires. He then narrowed that down to "the right, front tire."
Since my friend Ocallah was there with me in the chat room, we assumed the white vehicle was her white SUV. After the reading she checked her tires. All okay.
The next morning, my other son, Jason's twin, came home late from work and in a snit about having to change a flat on his work truck.
"Really . . . which tire was it?" I asked him with a smile.
"The right front."
Do I need to tell you what color his work truck is?
TIPS AND IDEAS
The holidays are coming. Include those on the other side.
--Light a candle for them. Light a candle for all of your loved ones!
--Include them when you are talking about old times and holidays past. If you don't mention them, noone else will.
--Talk to THEM. They hear your thoughts...and if you listen, you can hear their replies.
--Make a memory tree. Buy a small tree and decorate it with tokens of their life.
--Don't worry about what others will think. You are soley in charge of this journey. It's all yours.
I was talking to Jason one day last week and realized in the middle of a thought that I really was TALKING TO JASON. The connection was there and I felt it with total trust. After five and a half years, I was finally willing to totally accept my son's continued existence.
I have "known" for years that Jason is listening. I have "known" for years that we don't die. But in order to accept that as my truth, I have to let go of grief. I have to admit that my grief is no longer productive or warranted. How can I continue grieving a loss that I now see clearly as just another stage in Jason's life?
Not long ago, I gently shared my terror of public speaking with Jason. "YOU got me into this! You are NOT going to get out of it now!! I need to know you're with me and I need to KNOW it soon!" Smiling, he reassured me that I would be 100% sure of his presence before I ever set foot on a stage to promote this book.
Thinking that Jason meant he was finally going to "show himself" to me, I decided to wait it out and trust the process. But today, as I remembered my strong feelings of of connection, I realized he is already nudging me into that 100% zone.
FROM OUR READERS:
If any of you have questions or advice for others, please send it to me so I can add it HERE!!
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They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.~William Penn
Feb. 2002 issue
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